dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
