OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Randomize