I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
