we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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