Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
