trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Randomize
