I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
