I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
