He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
