You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
