apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
