How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
