So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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