I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
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