You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
