you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
