sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
