it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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