i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
