you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
Randomize