Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
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