dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
