i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
