He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
