grandma shit on top of the toilet
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
