Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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