I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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