i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Randomize
