Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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