No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
You should frame my arrest warrant.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
