I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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