When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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