Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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