I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
