I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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