I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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