Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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