He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Randomize
