hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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