He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
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