i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize