He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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