I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
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