so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize
