Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
