If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
