I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
