I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My penis needs a shock collar
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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