We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
