Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Randomize
