rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
its liver damage thursday
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
