I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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