Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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