I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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