Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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