Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
