guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
This house was built for laser tag.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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