Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
