Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
