My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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