All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
