When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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