Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
