Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
