You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
This baby is an asshole
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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