i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
