I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
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