I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
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