you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
