My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
