my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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