I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize